“Will you stop drinking beer, one day?”
I nodded. I will do everything for her. I am really sure that she is the end of my journey. I’ve spent last couple years of my life moving from one country to another without a stop. Couple weeks ago, I met her. It was a magic moment. Something that I can not easily explain.
She was not the first one. I met others before her. Some of them spent their years with me and ended badly. They all left me and walked away. I was not good enough on keeping promises. I broke each of it and risked the relationship that I thought will last forever.
This time, I wont do the same mistake. I am sure with her. I do badly fell in love with her. She’s beautiful inside and outside. Her smile caught me that day and I want to have it for the rest of my life.
Yes. I can give up on beer. It will be easy.
* * *
“It’s been a year, Dad. I do really sad to found that you still drinking beer. You need to take my words seriously. You need to reduce your drinking volume. It making me worries. Not only health issue, but also I cant stop thinking that you might get an accident or might get into trouble because of your drinking habit.”
I hugged her closer. She’s right. It’s been a year and I am still struggling with it. I need to step up and make a real changes.
“I will do my best to stop. I made some progress now. I stopped drink vodka and beer is the only problem left. Next year, I might get clean. As your will.” I kissed her, deeply.
“Do not changed because I asked you to do so. Make it sure that all changes are coming from yourself. So, the changes will last forever. Remember, you will be a father of my children one day. I want to make sure that they have a good role model to grow up with. A man that they can see as good sample. Lovely, caring and will put his family before everything.”
“Yes, I will. No worries. I can do it. Just wait and see. You wont disappointed. I promised. Next year, you will find that beer were no longer a friend of me.”
We both smiled to each other. That night, I hugged her closer. I will not let beer take her away from me. I made a decision. I chose her over beer.
“Get healthy also shows that you are willing to live longer with me. Getting old together and watching our children grow old. If life were kind with us, we will able to watch our children having their own family and children. You want it, right?”
“I know it’s hard for you. I’ve seen you tried hard enough to overcome it. But I wanted more. Is it OK for you?”
“Yes, of course. I will do it. Believe me. I can make it.” Yes, I was sure that I can defeat alcoholism within me.
“I love you. Do not take it wrong. I just want to make sure that you left me died because of alcoholism. I am not going to take that risk. I am too afraid to live alone without you.”
I pulled her closer into my arms. Hugged her tight. She need to know that I do worries about it as well.
* * *
“What’s wrong with you?” Her voice shakes angrily. I did not answer it. She does not need an answer.
“You said that you will go for research. But what I found was you enjoyed life with beer while being far from me. You posted photos of beer. What was that? A show off? You wanted to show me that you cant keep up with your own words? A sign that you still a rebel that will not kneel before everything?”
I poured a water and drinking it.
“Are you want to tell me that no one can tell you what to do? Regardless that all those advice were meant to make it sure that you will get healthier compared to years of your life before we met? Are you embarrassed to others because trying to stop drinking beer for us? Are you pride were offended because of me asking you tireless to stop drinking beer?”
I open my laptop.
“No answer at all? Are you mute? Give me answer. Do not pretend that you have nothing to do with all those photos of beer bottles in your social media.” Her tones getting high and loud.
“But I did not drunk. Just couple bottles. For relaxing. I was tired. Field work always stressful. After all, it was not like I got drunk every single night.” I answered without looking at her face. I was hiding my regret.
“Just a couple of bottles. Wow. What a reason.” She took her jacket and walking out of the room.
Within my head, I were trying to keep her stay. But in fact, I was frozen before my laptop and did not do anything. I let her get back to her work with anger all over her head.
“Next time, find a better reason Andre. You are a writer. Maybe you should try to write a page of reason and get your best explanation why you keep drinking beer behind my back and broke your own promise.” She grabbed the motorbike key. She’s ready to go out.
“It was not me who made the promise. It was you. You said it years ago that you will stop within a year. But years after, here we are. Still in the start line and nothing has moved. I hope you was drunk at that time, so it make sense for me to see how a man never fulfilled his words. You are smart, that’s why you have number of reasons for everything. But I am sorry. I am not stupid. I cant let you play with my future simply because you love alcohol more than me.” She left me alone and go back to work.
A year after, she decided to left me alone with beer.