“A friend of mine said something about you.” She hugged me closer. Air conditioner in the room was too cold. With naked body, one will easily feels cold.
“Yes. I told her about you. How me wet, who are you and what is your job and some other details.” She took my hand and turned her back facing me. She wanted a hug. So, I did.
“What she said about me?”
“She said that I need to be careful with you.” Her head turned fast and facing me for a moment, left me with a smile.
“Tell me.” I was so curious.
“She said that, you’re too good to be true. It’s like a fairy tale. Feels perfect but it wont last forever.”
I did not say anything. I just hug her closer. If this is a fairy tale, let it be. At least, we both are happy.
* * *
“So now you are going to stay in Jakarta?” she asked me.
“Yes. For sure. But for some time, I might need to go out of town to do my work. Do you like to drink tea?”
She nodded her head and smile. A smile for many years ago when we met for the first time. But what caught me more was her eyes. In particular when she tell me stories about her life, her thoughts, her values and believes. Sparkling that came out from her eyes somehow always succeed brought me back to her. Years after years. Regardless that in between these encounters, both of us were having another one to help us.
In fact, we never been in official relationship. We just happens seeking each other whenever we got a chance.
“You know Taylor Swift’s songs?” her face was totally surprised.
“Yes, why not? She wrote a very good songs. Mostly based on her personal experiences. I found that some of her songs quite empowering for women who been cheated or left behind by their prince.”
“Wow. It’s new. Anything else that you still hiding from me?” she moved closer to me. She laid her legs upon my lap and hold her glass of tea closer to her.
“Being a commie does not means that I will totally detached myself from the current reality. Included knowing about what kind of songs that now are popular.”
She laughed big, and I love to see it. To see her face blushing. I haven’t see it for a while. In fact, for years.
I thought that we will never met again. I had another woman who years later will be the only one in my thought. Blinded by love, I decided to withdraw myself from a journey and stop with her because I did believe it will last forever. I learned how to settle down and gave up on dreams, simply because your heart told you that you will no longer need it. You found your finish line. So, why you need another race?
But years after, she decided to walk away and left me at the crossroads. She went to another one and I need to take another. Alone.
It was painful for sure and it needs time for me to overcome and realized that there is something that people called: fate. It based on our choices with all the consequences that follows after. What waiting for each of us next ahead is part of our past decision. We made it and no one here to take responsibility but us.
“Do you still believe in love?”
I did not answer it. It was a metaphoric question. No answer needed.
“Me too. For me, people will fall in love, only once in lifetime. After that, we will not ever found or experienced that feeling again.” She hold my left hand while my right hand still massaging her leg. She was tired. Her works somehow became an integral part of her life. She took it personal.
“Woman in my age, with workloads and responsibilities, will no longer have enough energy for love.” Her voice sounds so tired.
“Do you remember my ex?”
“Yes. The Japanese guy, right?”
“I think, I could not or will not ever feels the same feeling again. Despite that, I met men after him. But it did not the same.”
I still remember the first time she told me about that guy. It was our first encounter, almost a decade ago. She invited me to have dinner together and introduced me to her colleagues. It was a rigid and strange encounter for everyone there. Their kind of people are full of hopes and were wishing to do their best for the human kind. While I was in the other side. Cynic and laughed on their naivete.
“It changed most of us, if you say that no significant changes happened because of our philanthropic action. Me for instance. I changed. It led me to my current job. It helped me lots and exposed me to new kind of reality.”
That evening was her time. To tell me stories and I will be her listener. The most obedient one.
* * *
“You was snoring so loud. I could not sleep well.”
That line, was not the first time I heard. The one that left my heart broke into pieces also said it. In fact, for her it was another reason to gave up our relationship. Snoring loud shows how I am having unhealthy life. She asked me to stop drinking beer and smoking. She told me to do sport more and have diet.
She wanted me to changed because I need to live longer. To be with her for the rest of my life. She said that, she did not want to left behind alone because I died of my own mistakes. It was an easy things to do for others, but not me. I did not changed. Keep smoking and drink beer regularly, sometime got drunk badly if I have problems and no one to be shared with.
“I will go and sleep outside. On the sofa. You can sleep here.” I walked out of the room and lay down before TV. I haven’t sleep for more than 36 hours and I need energy for tomorrow.
“I am sorry, Andre. I wish you could sleep next to me. But, I need to take a rest. Tomorrow I have works to do.”
I just smile. No answer as usual.